The Style Invitational Week 888 It’s the eponomy stupid
By The Empress
Saturday, October 2, 2010; C02
How the Empress's mind works:
1. Come across a photo
feature from Life magazine's Web site on "people who became nouns" --
Mr. Silhouette, Mr. Boycott, Edsel Ford, etc.
2. Think: Steal idea and use
as a contest?
3. Then think: We did eponyms
already, didn't we?
4. Find out that we did
eponyms twice already, most recently in 2006.
5. Note that most of those
inking entries were for people no longer in the news, and were unlikely to be
repeated.
6. This week: Coin a word or
expression based on the name of a well-known person, define it, and perhaps use
it in a sentence.
Winner gets the Inker, the
official Style Invitational trophy. Second place wins a Loser T-shirt that the
Loser cannot wear. Because it has been made into a huge puffy pillow by Loser
Scion Alexandra Bennett, a University of Missouri student and daughter of
95-time Loser Drew. It's shown here by Loser Scion Ethan Black, 4, a pre-pre-pre-college
student and the son of 22-time Loser Dion.
Other runners-up win their
choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug.
Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Loser
Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air "freshener"
(Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your
entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is
Monday, Oct. 11. Put "Week 888" in the subject line of your e-mail,
or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone
number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and
originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries
may be edited for taste or content. Results to be published Oct. 30. No
purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their
immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be
disqualified. The revised title for next week's results is by Tom Witte. The
honorable-mentions subhead is by Russell Beland.
Report from Week 884, in which we asked you to combine two products:
The winner of the Inker
Poop 'n' Scoop Canadian
Winter Gloves: With built-in tongs, plus a special pocket where you can place
your dog's business and keep your hands warm for the rest of the walk. (Scott
Weinstein, Montreal)
2. winner of the
gospel-singing stuffed lamb:The Crowbarcalounger:
A comfy recliner with a useful hidden accessory for when it's time for Fred to
take out the trash. (George Smith, Frederick)
3. The Roombazooka:
Combination robo-vac and missile launcher -- sit back
and relax while all the crap in your attic turns into space junk. (Bob Klahn, Wiilmington, Del.)
4.Green Eggs and Bam!:
Garbage disposal attachment for the back of your fridge so you can just push
out the stuff you wouldn't ever touch again. (Kevin Dopart,
Washington)
Paired down: Honorable mentions
Viagranola: The breakfast guaranteed to get you up in the
morning. Great with wild oats. (Stephen Gold, Glasgow, Scotland; Beverley
Sharp, Washington)
Tango: An orange-flavored
beverage powder that's also a powerful laxative. (Russell Beland,
Fairfax)
Purse-Into-Flames: A handbag
with a built-in incinerator for the next time you're stopped for driving while
famous. -- P. Hilton (Kevin Dopart)
Combining a motion detector
and sprinkler system would discourage the neighbor from "walking" his
dog in your yard. (Pam Sweeney, St. Paul, Minn.)
Remotrin: Head hurts so bad you can't get up off the couch?
Just click, and the ibuprofen comes to you. (Lennie Magida, Potomac)
The Rolling Pint: While
making those pie crusts, Grandma can keep a nip within easy reach with this
built-in kitchen flask. (For larger appetites: the Tuna Fifth casserole dish.)
(Craig Dykstra, Centreville)
The Buzzkiller:
Make crowd control at any high school football game a snap -- at the pep rally,
hand out these wireless Breathalyzer-kazoos. (Kevin Dopart)
Pepcocacola: A mix of Pepsis and Coke that gives you extra energy
(not always available in summer and winter). (Russell Beland)
A car and a box: Ikia, a Korean-Swedish automotive venture in which you take
home all the parts and two Allen wrenches and you put it together yourself.
(Christopher Lamora, Guatemala City)
Pepcorn: A movie theater snack coated with caffeinated
butter, enabling guys on dates to stay awake through romantic comedies. (Tom
Witte, Montgomery Village)
Bradio (bra and radio): Don't touch those dials!
(Christopher Lamora)
Sidewalk with a tollbooth:
Dan Snyder's latest idea to gouge fans at FedEx Field. (Craig Dykstra)
A cable subscription with
hemorrhoid ointment: Preparation HGTV, for those who sit and watch other people
renovate houses. (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park)
He-PS: Combines a condom with
a TomTom to give the man in your life the directions
he needs to help you "reach your destination." (Dion Black,
Washington)
The Mapnifier:
A detailed miniature road atlas with a magnifying glass. Never be lost driving
again! Attaches to the dash with a handy suction cup. Updates available
annually. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)
Mugnet: The new yearned-for Style Invitational prize for
Losers who keep misplacing their coffee. (Mike Caslin,
Round Hill, Va., a First Offender)
Next week: Mess with our heads, or Fake it to the bank